Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Back To Bob

When all else fails we always have Bob. We actually have other stuff too but Bob's pedophile profile picture talk makes me laugh so hard that sometimes I think I'm going to have stomach issues. When Hunter gets on a roll with it, I actually have to tell her to stop. More of that later. 

Other goings ons...
Although Hunter's early morning complaining usually irritates me, today on the way to the gym made me laugh so hard that I had to tell her to slow down because lots of times I have to jot stuff down while driving. 

"I didn't sleep at all last night," she whined.
"Why now?"
"My goddamn Mom kept me up all night snoring. That and five planets were lined up outside my window shining in. That's right. Five moons right in my window making a prism. Five planets coming through the window of my room!  and I have vertigo."
"Would you shut the fuck up with that vertigo shit? Seriously, it's annoying me."
"You shut up Sarah, it's true. Sometimes I just tip over. I did it in class the other day. Just tipped over while we were doing something.  I can't remember what it's called."
"Was Brad teaching?" I asked.
"That must have been a huge turn on. Are you guys like an item now? Are you going to his prom? Did he make you a mixed tape?"
"Shut. The. Fuck. Up. I don't even like him anymore," she said.
"Why not? I thought he was so dreamy."
"He's got a gut and I don't get that. He's a fitness teacher. Where does he get off having a gut? We were doing that thing where you're upside down (at which point she demonstrates on the lounge chair as her shirt falls down) I mean, I'm sure he wasn't impressed by my shit (as she gestures to her miniscule stomach) but still, he is the teacher!"
"Yeah, he's a little chunky," I agree.
"So I'm over it."
"Cause of that? I thought you didn't care?"
"Yeah, but he was acting like a girl again saying he had tennis elbow. Stupid."
"Straight up."

We now return to our regularly scheduled program:

"So Bob has fallen off the face of the earth," Hunter says.
"Yeah, I think you calling him a pedophile on his "wall" didn't help matters." 
"He isn't talking to you anymore either," she points out.
"Well, A, we come as a team and B, I'm over him. I was over him the night I skipped out of that bar-b-que."
"I couldn't help myself once I understood what that picture was. I didn't realize at first it was hin and a baby. I thought it was his girlfriend," she says.
"You thought his girlfriend was three?"
"I didn't look that closely. I wasn't paying attention. If you can believe that?" she says.
"I sure can Kooky."
The following came out as one long stream of consciousness and I'm sure I missed some:
"I don't trust him. It's weird. He was always saying he was going to Colorado. I don't believe it. I think he was on the weekend Pedophile Program at Sing Sing in New York. And I told him to take that picture down! If someone told me that I had a pedophile picture up  I wouldn't care if I was in Colorado, Venezulea or Ethiopia I would have someone get into my facebook account and change that picture! He was a pervert. He wasn't in in Colorado! He was on pedophile probation! I've worked with enough animals in the wild  to know that. I don't trust him, he's living with a gay man that eats acid and mushrooms all day. Don't even get me started on that"model" picture with that circular saw. He was chipping bodies. It's just freaky. I'm glad he's gone."

Bye bye Bobby... We'll miss you...


  1. Sweet Tapdancing Christ!

    Now, I think I've vertigo as well.

    Damn you, Bob!

  2. Suck It Bob!!!

    I loved the "spins" Sarah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!