Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Buzzed and BeeWildered

It's beyond gorgeous outside. The sky is as blue as it's been all spring. There is a breeze. The birds are tweeting and chirping and zipping around. So are a couple bees. It's bee season. I like bees. Bees are nice. I just don't want  bees sitting on me. I got stung a while back on my neck and it made that one thing under my jaw swell up and I was convinced I had cancer. Anyway, I'm lying on the lounge chair in the sun soaking up another form of cancer and a bee starts buzzing around me.
"Get off bee. Go play over there," I say.
"Yes, bees. That bee that was on you was totally entranced by the pattern on my bathing suit." Hunter says.
"Don't be stupid. That bee didn't like your bathing suit. It landed there by accident."
"Oh yes he did! He loved it. It reminded him of a honeycomb which is the shizzle to a bee," Hunter replies with absolute sincerity.
"That is straight up retarded. It was completely by chance he landed there."
"No it wasn't! He was looking for a safe place to sit. He saw the design and he flew around and around, he became enticed and then landed on my teet."

Stunned silence from me...

A couple minutes later.

"Why do you have the mother load of Russian caviar cans stacked in your kitchen cabinet?" Hunter asks after she has obviously been rummaging through them.
"My neighbors are Russian, they give it to us every Christmas."
"You don't eat it?" she asks.
"Does it appear that we do?"
Next she pulls a little glass caviar jar out of her bag that is housing her maryjawanna. "Are these inside of it?" she asks.
"What do you mean? It's all cans. Didn't you see?"
"Well maybe there are jars inside of the cans," she says.
"Are you fucking kidding me? You think there are glass jars inside of those little cans? Are you stoned now?"


  1. Dear Sarah,

    Do have any idea at all what purpose bee's serve?
    Are you aware there is a colony collapse disorder in the species?
    If you have answered "no", to the above questions...
    Your a fucking idiot!!!
    Suck it!
    I love you man!



  2. 我签署了我的真实姓名。我的坏。你吮吸它婊子。我爱你满。

    I am pretty sure a bee's main purpose in life is to supply the ingredients for the Burt's Bees product line. That and to fill the plastic bears at Starbucks. Right???

  3. Bee's other Purpose is to baffle and generally harass a Pooh Bear.

    And, Sarah, there are probly Not glass jars in side those cans. But, it'd be a lot Cooler if there were.

  4. C to the 3,
    You know what else bee's are used for? Movies! That's right, they are used to generate not only honey but money for those guys that run Dreamworks. Bee's have many purposes!

    And of course it would be cooler if the caviar cans came with handy little weed containers inside. I know that, I also know my post was somewhat snarky but she used the word teet! She deserved it.


  5. Dear Sarah,

    You know the word "sarky" makes me as uncomfortable as Bob does. So STOP!

    Bee's are good.

    You don;t get it.


  6. I write the following with great love in my heart...

    The word is snarky not sarky. Dumb ass.

    I know all about bees. I never dissed bees, you're just looking for reasons to pick at me because your fuckin' Mom and Grandmother are picking on you.
    Remember who loves you baby.

    And btw, I totally get it.
    More than anyone.
    Word Up.