It's official. We are now scouting and taking resumes for a New Bob. Just in case you don't know our Old Bob was our Sidekick. He had his moment in the sun. He got lazy. Or perhaps he always was lazy and we just didn't notice. Whatever the case may be our Old Bob lost the dream job. Sucks for him. He should have thought a little harder before he took a three hour long shower while we were starving and waiting for him to meet us at a restaurant. He's not that tall or wide and he has not one hair on his shiny head. It was unnecessary and a waste of our time.
We have been contemplating how to go about the interview process. We decided our best course of action would be to set up a table and two chairs right in front of his old restaurant in our town and just start there. We are going to need resumes, and not any of those doctored up ones that say things that aren't true. We're going to need head shots and we are thinking of incorporating some sort of "Apprentice" type task for the applicants to do in order for us to see their abilities. Bob was lacking in this department. We let him get away with it for a while because Hunter liked to have a tokin' buddy. She's willing to forgo that for someone with either more potential or better pot than her.
We also need our New Bob to be named Bob. That is going to weed out a lot of the riff raff. We also need NB to have moments when he is funnier than we are. We don't mind being the side show most of the time but at some point we are going to need to be entertained.
What else do we need? Oh yes, under NO CIRCUMSTANCE can the NB have a facebook profile picture that makes him look like a pedophile. We all know it's his "god child," whatever. It's just weird. It makes Hunter squeemish. You don't have a picture of yourself in the bath tub with a baby as your profile picture. It's just stupid Bob. And we're pretty sure it's also fucking illegal. You didn't even change it when Hunter called it to your attention on National Change Your Pedophile Profile Picture Day.
This has been a hard decision for us to make. Like most, we are creatures of habit. We enjoyed OB during his short stint as our Third Wheel. We liked calling him Charlie, he liked calling us his Angels. We chuckled at his odd little idosyncracies that made him inherently OB. The problem arose when he kinda started acting like a girl all the time. No offense to girls. Finger to nose. You know what we mean. We think that is the point of this whole post. No long ass showers, no restaurant decision making issues, no, "I hate that bartender." None of that.
Cowboy the fuck up.
That's what we said.
If your picture has ever been stapled to a telephone post you need not apply.