Tuesday, May 26, 2009

The Ritual Went Awry

Okay, I know this is going to start out sounding dumb. I get it now. I'm stupid. Whatever.

So a while back we're at this bar-b-que. It was at the time we were just about over Bob. He was there talking some nonsense and in an effort to avoid him I turned around and started talking to the guy next to me. He  seemed intelligent (except he didn't believe in past lives-whatever) it was a good conversation. 

Shortly after I got an e mail asking me out. I replied with what I thought was a very clear, "that's lovely of you, but I can only be friends, if you were expecting anything more, that's not going to work for me." I got back one of the cleverist things I have seen in a while. It was a whole story about choosing friendship or nothing and the possible repercussions of both. He chose friendship, or so I thought...

My guy friends laughed at this. "Yeah, sure Sarah, he wants to be your friend. Uh, no." I thought they were wrong. He asked me out to get a drink and dinner one night. I brought Hunter. She got wasted and left. I had to pick her up later but that's neither here nor there. Just fact. The friendship with him continued. Or so I thought.

Sometimes I write to Hunter on FB in Chinese or Thai or any language. I tease my Mexican friend in Spanish and I write in Turkish to my friend who lives in Istanbul. My "just a friend" saw it on my wall,  enjoyed it and wrote to me in other languages. We started exchanging poems in mystery languages. Mostly Robert Frost, a little Bob Dylan and a sonnet here or there. I shared everything with Hunter. I enjoyed the repertoire, I like when people get me. I think the last thing I had shared was one of my favorite Bob Dylan songs ever.

Guess what I got back?
 Bob Dylan? No. Maybe some Van Morrison? He's a genius. Nope. Any of the greats? Um...no! I had always looked forward to his poems, when I got it I put it in the google translator cause it was in Mandarin. I was expecting something great. I got a fuck me song with my name in it by a teeny bopper. I was pissed. It basically said, "fuck me." I closed my laptop and called Hunter to tell on him. Seriously? Why? 

"Who does that?" she demanded. "It's just wrong! I didn't even understand what the song meant and the lyrics are just wrong. Its all fucking wrong."

Shortly thereafter Hunter and I had our "get rid of them" ritual. 

I hadn't responded to his last song. He sent me one more short message that I didn't answer. I thought he was gone. He must of understood my silence. I am a good communicator and honestly very easy going. This went way to far. 

That all happened Friday night. It's Tuesday now. Hunter came over today at lunchtime. She walks in and says, "You are never going to believe what "he" texted me today!"
"What?" I asked.
"He texted me at 8.30 this morning and asked me if I wanted to go to the movies with him today," she said.
"No he didn't," I said laughing.
"Oh yes he did and he even had the fucking nerve to offer up Star Trek or The Terminator, what a dumb ass." 
"Oh my God. That almost makes me like him. It's so funny," I said.
"What the fuck was he thinking? 'Oh, Sarah won't talk to me cause I sent her a fuck me song so I'll try Hunter again?'  Does he think we're not best friends? We won't talk? Is he trying to make you jealous? What an idiot! And by the way, I already got rid of him TWICE before you even met him! I was only nice to him cause he paid for both our dinners that night I got wasted and you said he was smart.  When we performed the ritual it was to get rid of them, not fucking trade them! Why were you friends with him anyway Sarah?" she demanded.

"Uh, if you remember, I was pissed at Bob and avoiding him that night I met him," I said.

"Fucking Bob! It always comes back to Bob!" she yelled.

I love you Man. Now be a sport and take one for the team.  


  1. Sarah Sarah Sarah...

    I'm sorry our "ritual" went awry. I'm not sure what part went wrong?? Purhapse we skipped a really important page?

    Regardless, damage done.

    He switched sides.

    Meet me at "The Place"...
    I have a different idea.
    Bring your nail tech and garden hose.

    Fuck Bob.

    I love you man.

  2. Gawd I love you both...heheheheheee

    what a sac le douche ....screw him!...well not literally....