Friday, April 17, 2009

Hairpin Turns At Breakneck Speed

So Sarah calls me and says, "You're never going to fucking believe this but I just got pulled over."
Oh, I would NEVER imagine that in all these years considering she drives her own fucking spaceship. She does all kinds of things she thinks she's entitled to in her spaceship. You've seen these as they travel down the left side of the road traveling at the speed of light and they see a shiny object to the right of them and quickly the space shuttle goes in that direction. It doesn't matter who's in her path. Old ladies, kids, semi's, she just turns. She just shrugs her shoulders, sticks her boobs out, cocks her little blond head and mouthes the word, "Sorry," as she fake cringes and she gets away with it every time. It's so fucking fake, it would piss me off if it didn't make me laugh.  I never get away with that cause I have dark hair and I drive like a human being not some alien. I'm thinking of going platinum so I can fly like that.
So I say to her, "So, what did you get pulled over for?"
"I was speeding, only doing 49 in a 35. That's not that bad, is it?"
"It's not good. What happened? Did you get a ticket?"
"Ticket? No! I told him I had to pee. Which I did. So he didn't want to hold me up. I did get a citation, no points though."
"Didn't want hold you up, are you fucking kidding me? Speeding around those back roads in school zones and he is going to send you the ticket. What did you show him a boob?"
" Shut up. He was a sweetheart.  Thank God I didn't get points cause I couldn't drive a company car if I did. I also wasn't wearing my seat belt, thankfully he didn't mention that."
"Company car, do you keep that after the divorce?"
"Shut up."
"I love you Man."
"I love you too. Now come over so we can lie out."

1 comment:

  1. I wish I had boobs. Not Moobs, but a full, pert Rack of Boob goodness.

    As it stands....I don't get away with Shit.