Monday, April 20, 2009

The Old Smokescreen and Mirror Trick

After the parking escapade our Saturday night was rather humorous. We went into Sarah's favorite restaurant and had a much needed cocktail and good food. Our friend Bob joined us. Bob btw, doesn't know about this blog or that we write about him. I just thought of that, maybe we'll tell him at some point. Maybe not. He might cry.  We like to carry him around like a pocket pet.  He's so cute. We just love him. 

Anyway, we hang out for a while and then we want to smoke. We means Bob and I , Sarah doesn't smoke because of some mishap in college where the one time she decided to get high somebody put PCP in the weed. It ruined it forever for her. One bag egg Man, what are you gonna do? I won't  even go into how she tries to block the smoke away from her face, that's almost as embarrassing as the space shuttle. (screw you Hunter)   

Interestingly enough Bob owns the building about 30 seconds from where we are eating. It is a restaurant that he is in the process of selling so right now it's not open for business.  We decide to go there and smoke. We go to the upstairs part and he turns on the music and we are hanging out. It's in this killer old two story historical building right on the corner of the busiest part of the town we are in. This town is full of restaurants,bars a college, a courthouse and stores, it's over flowing with people this Saturday night. 

 Sarah was all long faced and slumped down in her chair because she was dragged away from her fancy bar for five fucking minutes while we cleared our heads. I really needed this after the "incident." 

 After a couple hits every thing became clearer. I had to wipe that stupid bored look of her face. I looked around the room for a shiny object that might catch her eye. I spotted it. Right in front of us. Four of them. Big giant huge historical windows with deep window sills, perfect for her to do her bendy weirdness. She's a big show off. So I say to her, "Hey, these windows would be perfect for your crazy party stunts. Why don't you go do one of your stupid human tricks?"

She lit up like a Christmas tree. Hopped into the window sill and began to contort her body just like a freak in the circus. I had a symbol and a drumstick that I used for a microphone from Bob's drum set. I decided to be the Circus Ringmaster.
"Hey out there. Look at the freak in the window.  Clang on the symbol What's she doing? What's she doing now?" I started yelling out my window at the people on the street. Clang
Suddenly a crowd formed.
"Hey, what's the girl doing?" Spectator one said.
"Look at that girl in the window." Spectator two through ten said. 
"Hey baby. Come down here. I'll take you out. Your boyfriend won't mind." said the college idiot. 
There were all sorts of characters down there. They were accumulating like ants. It was a frenzy. All of the sudden she dropped down off her hands onto her knees perched like Pocohantas with that blond hair flowing and starts flirting with the crowd.
A guy with a mohawk said he liked her hair. She leans down sticks her snout between the window and the street and Rapunzel answers back, "Oh, I like your hair too."
Bob and I were in the background amazed at how at home she was in the window.
He said, "It's going to be two days and you guys will be in the paper."

Then he blurts out, "That guy at Starbucks across the street is calling the cops."
I think he's just being old and paranoid. I didn't think twice about it.
Ten minutes later while cutting through the haze to get to the front door, Sarah says, "Look there's a police officer at the door."
I get all jumpy cause the weeds in my bag.
Bob opens the door and says hi. He knows the guy. He does own the building. The cop said, "We had a call that said a crowd was forming around your business and we know it's closed."
Bob mumbles something. Sarah smiles at him and I walked in the other direction with my smelly purse. 

We think we're on to something with our little show. An interactive freak show where we  legally verbally assault the crowd. At least that's our idea today.  

Now that I have to go find her a red velvet robe and sunglasses to usher her out of the building after the show. She thinks she's fucking famous. 


  1. Bob should re-open that building and have Sara as the "Draw".

    You and I can smoke weed in the dark, dimly lit corner and play Chess.

    We're gonna be rich.

  2. You know, in Amsterdam you can make a lot of money contorting yourself in windows, my dear....