Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Thwarting With Cheese

Times were rough. I was just past the worst of it, or so I thought. 

The day before my young boyfriend has accidentally knocked over one of my favorite things. My three hundred dollar beautiful, hand blown glass bong. It was like losing a best friend. Not to mention the smell of bong water on the carpet. That's never fun. Nor is it remotely pleasing to the senses.  Neither here nor there though. At this point...water under the bong. 

So after serving food to ungrateful bastards in the restaurant I work in,  I get in my car and head to Savannah. Savannah's got a Head Shop and that's what I need. 

I go in and buy a bong, not nearly as nice as the one that was lost in the War, but a smoking implement nonetheless . I head out to my car and don't two muggers hold me up? For Gods sake! What the fuck? Seriously! My bong breaks, I have to deal with assholes and now I'm getting held up? 
 They ask for my money. Um, I'm sorry, do you not see the bag with the bong in it? Where do you think my money is? Show me how smart you are. 

Of course I didn't say any of this, there was a knife in my side. I did say, "I have no money." They didn't believe me. I told the truth. "I stole cheese from the restaurant I work in last night to eat today. I really have no money."

They walked away.

Cheese saved the day. 
Like it does.


  1. God Damn!!! Who stakes out victims at a Head Shop. Stoned Muggers, that's who. What's goin' on in the World today that a nice girl can't buy a Bong without hassle? It's those goddamned man-mad drugs fuckin' up peoples rational thought.

    And....."water under the Bong".

    That's awesome. I'm totally gonna start using that at Job interviews.

    "Mr. cIII. Why do you feel you were layed off from your last company?"

    "Well, sir/madam. It was a combination of, blah, blah, blah, blah,....but that's all water under the Bong."

    I killed a fly with a Bong once. couldn't handle the smoke.

  2. Did you tell the fly, "If you can't play with the big dogs, get off the porch?" I guess it was to late for that. At least he went down chill.

    Listen, to add insult to injury, it was orange government cheese I had to "borrow" the night before, not to be confused with Velveeta Sleeze.