Thursday, April 16, 2009

If You Can't Make the Team

So I was out Friday night with some friends and I had started to get my party on a little early. What happened was unexpected because I can usually drink beer like a guy and hold my own. Unfortunately I was drinking Vodka.  I am pretty sure Dan the bartender slipped me a roofie in my vodka cranberry. Between that and going out with a fancy girl and my friend Bob to smoke things got hazy. Bob told me before we smoked to watch out. It was good shit. I had been dry for a week at that point. He was right, I should of watched out. 

Instead apparently I made a new friend. He seemed to know a lot about music. There was something weird on his lip and he wore a cap but he seemed different and interesting and smart. I realize now that was all the vodka talking. Vodka says some silly things. I know the term is "beer goggles" when you drink beer and that makes people more attractive. Vodka makes people appear smarter and edgy. What's that called? I think the technical term might be "Grey Goose Glasses."  I was wearing them. Wearing them proud.

 After a while I was getting really bored but I just couldn't shake him. It was getting late and  then the music came on. My driver friend wanted to leave but it was "Purple Rain." Come on Man, you don't leave when Prince (now a symbol, or he is Prince again? I don't know) anyway, you can't leave during Purple Rain. I had the air microphone going. It was awesome. Until I tripped over my own foot. When you start to not be able to use your feet it's time to call it a night. 
So we leave. We get in the car and start rehashing the evening. I say, "Wait, what was my guys name?" This sent the two fancies into hysterics. At this point I had removed my glasses and was feeling unsure of the night. 

It is my story and I'm sticking to it, I only gave him to polite peck goodbye. Bob says I all out kissed him. Bob's a fucking liar. 

So Saturday rolls around and who's lighting up my phone like a Christmas tree but Seth. I don't know how he got my number (yeah right).  He invited me to a concert. I told him I wasn't available. He continued to call me and tell me how he knew everything about me from Junior High School. It was turning creepy. I told him I was leaving for Florida for a week and a half. Why? I don't know. It made sense at the time. Now it just sounds stupid. 

I've since come to learn a little about him. First of all he's stalking my friend Bob. He wants to be on his softball team. They said no. I said, "He can't make the team?" I can't go there. Seriously, you have to be able to make the team. We begged Bob, "Please, can he be the waterboy, dust off the bases or something?" Let the fat kid play. So they gave him a sympathy try out and he did so piss poor he got heckled. Buh bye Seth. That doesn't work for me. 


  1. Gotta watch them Grey Goose Glasses.

    Personally, I try not to drink anything that hasn't been aged in an Oak barrel. But.....

    I've fallen victim to the Tater Juice on more than One occasion.

    When I was playing soccer in Europe, there was this gay Bar in Austria....The Adams apple gave it away before things went South.

  2. I've always wanted to start a sentence, "When I was playing soccer in Europe." I have never been able to...until now. I did however have to drag a friend away from the same such thing one time. Take notice of the use of the word drag.